Prologue

Hungarian children dressed up for Catholic Pentecost in 1940
Pictured here are my aunt and father, posign for a photograph in their Sunday best in 1939. They grew up in a flourishing farming family in a little town in western Hungary called Marcali (MARTZ-AH-LEE). Pictured here are my aunt and father, posign for a photograph in their Sunday best in 1939. They grew up in a flourishing farming family in a little town in western Hungary called Marcali (MARTZ-AH-LEE). Pictured here are my aunt and father, posing for a photograph in their Sunday best in 1939. They grew up in a flourishing farming family in a little town in western Hungary called Marcali (MARTZ-AH-LEE).

In Hungarian, the “c” is always soft, making a “tz” sound. Try to say "cica" (tzi-tza) in Hungarian. It means cat.

The town was not far from the biggest freshwater lake in Europe, Lake Balaton. (Have you heard of it?) The town was not far from the biggest freshwater lake in Europe, Lake Balaton. (Have you heard of it?) The town was not far from the biggest freshwater lake in Europe, Lake Balaton. (Have you heard of it?) Graphic map of Hungary showing Lake Balaton and Marcali
Ari and Gyula tending the fields overlooking Lake Balaton in Hungary 1940s Lake Balaton
Village fair in Marcali Hungary in 1940s
Bishop leading Catholic procession downtown Marcali in Hungary 1940s

THEIR
family was ethnically "Magyar," Catholic, and part of an emerging middle class. Their town was typical of farming towns in Hungary: it was mostly Catholic, with smaller populations of Protestants, Jews, and Greek Orthodox; and its people were mostly poor peasants.

Corner store in Marcali Hungary in 1940s
Marcali’s railway station during the 1900s Marcali Train Station Wealthy man waiting in horse and carriage with two drivers in Hungary 1920s

Downtown Marcali also supported a growing number of merchants, craftsmen, lawyers, journalists, and tradesmen, who made up the middle class.

There were a few people of nobility: one aristocratic family in particular, the Széchényi family, lived in a castle in the center of town.

Hungarian Roma in the countryside in 1930

And like many Hungarian towns, there was a community of disenfranchised Roma (some call them Gypsies) living on the outskirts.

Hungarians pronounce the “s” (as in “Fábos”) as a shhh. To make it sound like an “s” in the English language, they put a z after the s, as in “Széchényi” [SAY-CHAIN-YEE]

Ari and Gyula on the family farm in Marcali Hungary 1940s

Ari and Gyula’s family—my family, the Fábos (FAH-BŌSH) family—was right in the middle: in the middle class, in the middle of Hungary, in the middle of Europe, and in the middle of some of the most catastrophic years in Hungary’s (and Europe’s) history. They suffered, not as much as some, and much more than others.

By the time Ari and Gyula were in grade school, the Fábos family had achieved middle class prosperity. Their father, Pista, bought a fancy German camera and documented life on the farm, providing a glimpse of rural Hungary in the twentieth century.

Ari and Gyula swim in Lake Balaton with their cousins during the 1940s
On hot summer days, the two siblings cooled off with their cousins in Lake Balaton, only a few kilometers from home. It's very shallow, like a giant bathtub, and muddy around the edges... perfect for freshwater clams. On hot summer days, the two siblings cooled off with their cousins in Lake Balaton, only a few kilometers from home. It's very shallow, like a giant bathtub, and muddy around the edges... perfect for freshwater clams. On hot summer days, the two siblings cooled off with their cousins in Lake Balaton, only a few kilometers from home. It’s very shallow, like a giant bathtub, and muddy around the edges...perfect for freshwater clams.
Ari and Gyula swim in Lake Balaton with their cousins 1940s
Poplar trees lining road in rural 1900s Hungary

Today these photos are my window into this far-off Hungarian world. I am American—my father, Gyula, left Hungary in 1956. I grew up looking at these photos and wondering what his and Ari's lives were really like.

Why does their story matter? My favorite Hungarian novelist, Sándor Márai, summed it up best: Why does their story matter? My favorite Hungarian novelist, Sándor Márai, summed it up best: Why does their story matter? My favorite Hungarian novelist, Sándor Márai, summed it up best:
There are days when everything, personal and worldly, intermeshes. When "History" becomes a private matter, a palpable personal reality. There are days when everything, personal and worldly, intermeshes. When "History" becomes a private matter, a palpable personal reality. There are days when everything, personal and worldly, intermeshes. When “History” becomes a private matter, a palpable personal reality.
Cattle wagon on country road in 1930s Hungary

“PROUD & TORN”
is a history of Ari and Gyula and previous generations of their family. Through them, it is also a history of Hungary. My Hungarian family’s personal lives, as remarkable or unremarkable as they were, were drastically impacted by the decisions and actions of world leaders.

Harvest in Hungary with scythes in 1940s
Roma woman with child in 1920s Hungary

Most histories of Hungary focus only on the nation’s “great men,” emphasizing high politics, aristocrats, and the view from Budapest. But there is so much more to the story! Agricultural workers, small-town residents, women, and other forgotten individuals, like my family members, all lived and made Hungarian history.

Field workers with scythes in Hungary 1935

This story begins centuries before there even was a place called Hungary and ends in 1956, when the lives of Ari and Gyula, these two siblings and best friends, these two lovely people who became my aunt and my father, were sent in drastically different directions.

Agricultural workers biking on rural road in 1940s Hungary
My appreciation for Hungary and Hungarians is endless

BUT
time after time, Hungarians made decisions based on pride—and these were not always the greatest decisions. And sometimes, Hungarians ripped their own country—and my family—apart. Hungary: proud, and torn. My family survived Hungarian history, just barely.